Sun shiny saturday!

It's hellova week! ulan to the max ang peg ng panahon.

I've been tormented with the sudden fever and very painful arthritis of my mom and the very damp house because of the leaking roof. hay... The latter was the result of the heavy stuff falling off from the renovation that's going on with the house just beside us.

I've also decided to resign with my current work, some people just cant afford to do whatever they want because of a bigger responsibility.

I will miss these:

The whiteboard.

The large window.

The faculty announcement board.

I know this is not the end of my career. There are still a lot out there.

Next week is my mom's schedule for yet another procedure: an endoscopy. Hoping this will flow smoothly as I am also stressed out here!

I guess I'm still a lucky girl because I found simple pleasures in simple things that God rewarded me:

okay i guess this is not as simple as you might think lol! but first on my list is my new toy courtesy of kulot! :D to me this is a simple gift for this is not the newest and most hi-end brand in the market, but generous in the sense that kulot painstakingly thought about what to give me on my birthday (yes this is a birthday gift!) and willingly put a dent in his wallet just to get me this. I love that it has what i need: a music player and an ebook with a pre-downloaded classic novels yay! :D

are you ready for the biggest and most fabulous reward i got???

here it is......

taran!

a winning ticket! i won an iced tea! (jumps hysterically) lmao! hahaha! well you can't blame me! this is actually the third time i won something in a raffle or something like that ever in my 28 years of existence! hahaha! First one was in 3rd year highschool: a gas stove, Second was in AMA foundation day: an oven toaster and now this! lol! Thank you God. No kidding Im really happy! :)

well, life has a lot of things to offer, small or humongous you must learn to be appreciative of it. 

while waiting for the procedure for my mother dear (oh gosh the agony) I have to be still and just spend my time doing something so I don't have room to worry. Yes worrying adds to the tension I am experiencing. I hope I can get through it. Help me most High. 

Here I am.

Here I am.

Bumabawi ng lakas, sakit ng bangs ko dahil sa stress.

Two weeks ago, my mother was hospitalized. Her hemoglobin was so low she needed a blood transfusion. We found out about it because of monthly check-up, so the best option is to do it and check further for any internal bleeding that may have caused the drastic decline of hemoglobin.

I chose to have it done in a public hospital because we don't have the money to do it in MMC, we can do all the the things at a quarter of the price compared to the latter. And it was just more of precaution because mom did not show any sign of illness: nausea, feeling faint, tired or such. You see there's only the two of us, I can't get any help from any relatives because they have been experiencing some financial troubles and I have been raised to be independent from relatives. My mom would be mad stricken if I even tried to borrow money from relatives, and call it Pride or whatever but I won't do such too because I feel that I should not in any way show that I am incapable of taking care of my mother after all she have done adopting me, raising me and giving me all that I need in and during our younger days.

So, there we go! I decided to go to Sta. Ana Hospital to have the transfusion done, It is near us than the Ospital ng Makati in Pembo. That hospital gave me a good first impression because I have brought mom there for her UTI and to have her stitches after she had an accident at home (damn pets!).

After the grueling 24 hours of convincing my mom to stay there at the hospital and of looking for an O+ blood type around Manila, we where now transferred to the Phil health ward. I was expecting it to be at least air conditioned, but it wasn't. We only have to stay there for a week. Keri ko naman mag-tiis, at mas gusto din ni Mother ang ganuon na set-up.

Here are some pics to remind me of our stay:

as you can see above, there are many reminders in the room, one is the prohibition of charging any mobile devices which is a BUMMER! but i am a rogue :) sorry SAH, I have a lot of work to do, so my mobile phone is my life! I am the only attendant of my mom.

 

we are very lucky to have an extra bed for me to sleep, the room has four (4) beds: two are used by mom and another patient whom we call mommy and the other two will be used by the patient's attendants. Thank you SAH, the task of which I am responsible of is not such an agony to do. :) Thank God above all!

What you see in the second picture is a selfie or some sort haha! we have a good view via the large glass windows of the room. 

what do we have here? A visitor, Filipinos has some strange beliefs on animals and objects such as these, it is for the purpose of harboring positive vibes and calmness. I'd like to believe that this butterfly who stayed with us, on our side of the room is my deceased father. Bantay namin sya from the time we were transferred in the room and until the day we were discharged. An hour before we are about to go out, this butterfly was gone and nowhere to be seen.

So, how is my stay at the hospital? FULL OF DRAMA! 

I'm speaking of the family feud? Misunderstanding lang naman siguro ng mga anak at apo ni Mommy na roommate ng nanay ko :) I wish them well and I miss them already. I have been able to share some light moments with mommy's apo: Ronalyn and her anak, si ate whom I forgot to ask the name.

We had our own drama too, with a certain doctor. I think because of the stress I became arrogant to the point of even questioning the credibility of that certain doctor. Thanks to mother's doc at Makati Med, (I texted her to have her opinion on this) I regained myself. I do ask for forgiveness (I prayed) if ever I showed an air of arrogance.

The nurses are very helpful, and approachable, Some of them not :) sorry if I am very inquisitive, I am worrying about my mom, please understand that. I believe you do encourage patients and attendants to ask questions right? I am in no way questioning your capabilities. Sobrang nag-aalala lang po sorry. IT IS A MUST FOR PATIENTS TO ASK. DO THINK AND COMPREHEND EVERYTHING TOO SO AS TO MAKE THE DOCTOR AND THE NURSE'S JOB EASIER.

some of the nurses which are a breath of fresh air is Christian and that nurse who was close to making me make my mom take the wrong medicine ( naku kung hindi mo ako inabutan, baka demanda na ang masusumpungan nyo! haha di bale next time ATE HA?! it's a lesson learned from you and it's not your fault entirely). Despite the long and very stressful wok environment, they still manage to smile and make jokes to ease us all in the room. Thank you so much!

The SAH was once, according to people whom I shall not name, a good hospital. There are much speculation about the big modification due to the new mayor. The SAH is a Lim project. If that is true, Mr. Joseph Estrada please do take some time in making new policies for the Hospital, MAKE IT BETTER rather than changing it. ASK THE PATIENTS AND/OR ATTENDANTS! They have much to tell you. THEY ARE THE RECIPIENT OF THE SERVICES YOUR CITY OFFERS! OF COURSE YOU NOR MR. LIM WILL NOT KNOW IT, BECAUSE YOU HAVE MONEY TO CONFINE YOURSELF TO SWANKY HOSPITALS IF EVER THE NEED ARISE. Am i right? Yes I am right!. :D :D well, if ever you did confine yourself to the a public hospital, they will treat you with much care because you are the not the common taos.

ALL IN ALL, Thank you SAH, although I am from Makati, you never turned us down. You never thwarted the goal of making my mother better!

Tan-ta-na-nan... me!!

I AM GOING FUCKING INSANE! NPIMH: INSANE IN THE MEMBRANE!!

I abhor this feeling,
of dreading things that 
I actually do not know
and I can never know.

I worry A LOT. Yes, sometimes I can be fickle and not walk what I preach in life.

Yesterday, I got very nervous for no reason at all? my chest became heavy and I started to dread for things that may happen: my mother getting weaker. It is actually a thing that may not yet happen for a couple of years because my mother is constantly reminding me that she does not feel anything bad. I do trust her, because she is not a very good liar; if she feels alright then she is. However, pictures, stories, messages thrown at me signifying my fears are appearing out of nowhere! and this makes me a whole lot crazier. I COULD NOT AFFORD to lose my one and only family. NOT YET! The fact is everybody gets frail at some point in their life and will have to meet their maker but not my mother YET.

That's the only thing I worry about.

I stumbled and fell this past few months because of the numerous trials in my personal and professional life involving resources, career, and education. PEOPLE have fucked me off, people who hides in the devil's coat and false prophets. This took a toll on me and I am starting all over again with my life. I felt lonely during those times and I am asking to please do not do another harm on me today.

I AM BEGGING GOD TO MAKE US HAPPY AND HEALTHY. I WOULD FIGHT FOR MY MOM AND MYSELF. I WOULD FUCKING FIGHT TILL I BLEED NO MORE.


Although I have kulot, this sense of being all alone in the world does not leave my body. He is not the answer, but my faith. Speaking of my faith, i believe it is still under construction thus I am really vulnerable. Add the fact that I am an only child, got no close relatives to love me like how my parents did. I have trust issues with people too, I have been with a lot of bad crowds and this caused me so much pain.

BUT, there is a flicker of light that caught my attention. As I wrote every words in this entry, tried to look for a picture of the term "worry" and this is what i immediately saw:

I really do not know how to react. Is this my answer? answer to what? I just don't know. Although my confusion inevitable ( I am just a damn stupid human) I will still thank our almighty. Somehow, this picture figuratively placed a caring hand on my shoulder.

sigh... I have to breathe.

Let me breathe...

I am still on with the pangungulit God.

Waley Wednesday :D

Pecha de Peligro 

We are in that "gipit" period before the pay day: we call it petsa de peligro. :D
So, since our pockets are thin and we can not splurge on shopping and dining we opted to relax and window shop at Shopwise Makati.

Let me introduce first my partner in crime: Alfie!

Si alfie sa HK, sosyal ang lola mo! haha!

Alfie is one of my best buds: we grew up together, we went to the same school, and are very close to each other's family. I consider him as my brother. We fight alot and get annoyed with one another, yet we manage to stay on each other's side through it all. 

As we pass the different stalls, counters and corners in Shopwise we cringe and then day dream of buying things we don't really need in life (lolz! pang-asar lang sa sarili namin). As for myself, I like to practice photography whenever and wherever (yea right!).

here is the sample :D walang kokontra! 

I don't eat fruits, but they look really scrumptious here!

I'd like to pat my shoulders for the good pictures (edited and filtered) taken with my reliable Blackberry mobile phone. teehee! 

afterwards we went to eat in a really affordable Japanese Resto (ilang kembot lang from shopwise).

This is the only picture i took of the resto (sorry! konti lang ang inorder namin, waley nga datung ang mga beki).

The resto is called J boy, i believe its the short-cut for Japanese boy. You get a decent serving of the food at an affordable price. I ordered the kakiage meal while Alfie ordered the pork katsudon meal. Maybe next time I'll take pictures of the foodies w/ price and post it here FYI. 

The day ended up with boisterous story telling between us. Its nice, and I thank God for "de Day", kahit wala masyadong pera. masaya pa din! AMEN.

Blog and the Blogger

To blog or not to blog? This is not a difficult one to figure out for me.

I kept a blog for a short period of time and i grew weary of it! I needed something fresh, a more personal and a more exciting blog site for my little whims, rants, dreams and whatevers (i know this is not a word you would find in the handy dandy dictionary, its my very personal lingo. nice no? XD).

There are countless things that attracts this always curious mind of mine, and although I'm in a very very ripe age, i still want to experience many things! Habang bumibilang ang edad ko, bumibilang din ang mga bagay na kailangang alamin.

My partner, whom i fondly call kulot gets very mad when I talk about the possibility of me dying (hey everybody will die eventually, some at a young age hindi ba. Una-unahan lang yan) but what he doesn't get about  this mortality talk is the essence of living and what you could do while you are still breathing. This is one of my inspiration of doing this blog: that when i die (50 years from now hehe) i will leave something for the people (i don't count) that made me an essential part of their life. This hopefully will bring them fresh memories of the times we spent here on our mother earth. :) AMEN.

and, gone are the days of the pen and paper. Blogging is the new journal.

So i guess in my own little standards, I am now officially a blogger!

if you are one of my loved ones: Nakakahiya naman! haha! JK This is for you! I hope you like it!

as for the guest readers/hater or whatevers: HI! welcome and an advanced THANK YOU, GOD BLESS YOU.